I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell....

Matchbox 20 sings that song. I remember April 2003 not long after I'd bought that CD. I remember how depressed I was and I remember listening to this CD a lot. I remember taking clonazepam a lot. I remember how hard it was to get through the days.

Some of the lyrics from Hand Me Down (Matchbox 20).......ya I like lyrics.........

From what I've seen
You're just a one more hand me down
Cause no one's tried to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now

Somebody ought to take you in
Try to make you love again
Try to make you like the way they feel
When they're under your skin
Never once did you think they'd lie when they're holding you
You start to wonder if you're ever gonna make it by
You'll start to think you were born blind

Some day they'll open up your world
Shake it down on a drawing board
Do their best to change you
They still can't erase you

One more hand me down........ya, it feels that way sometimes. Like I'm just this problem that no one wants and they try to pass me off to someone else. Maybe I am better off to go it alone. I seem to just be making everyone's life difficult. I screwed up with D. I'm sure he wants me to go away. He won't admit it but I think he'd be happy if I went away. Doc bowtie has all but quit talking to me. Personally I think it's some tactic for getting me to quit emailing him. Well, he doesn't have to keep trying, I'll just take the hint.

So I found my bottle of clonazepam again today. I have a feeling we're gonna be good friends again for a while. I counted them, and in the 7 months I've had this bottle I've used 35......average of 5/month. Not so bad. I know it's better to not use them but sometimes it's a choice between that and something worse. If it gets like it was in 1999 then I'll start to get concerned. So far, I think it's in moderation.

Do their best to change you
They still can't erase you

I think they wish they could erase me. They already tried to change me. I'm not worth their energy. They'll be happier when they see that and send me on my way. I'm sure I could succefully kill myself with the misery and negative shit I carry around with me. My emotional baggage runneth over. It's spilling out everywhere and I'm tired of picking it up. I'd like to take it all to the nearest bridge, throw it all over, and jump in with it. And that could be the end of the story.